1. Buy a new toothbrush as the one that I currently own has the slight scent of aged cheese, as well as a bit of the color.
2. Get a haircut. To say that my hair is merely 'uneven' would be a gross understatement resulting in an entire flock of angels falling down dead as a result of my untruths. I will never be accepted into heaven, as God shall never forgive me.
3. Buy some cat food, for underneath all of that fur lies a feline of pure skin and bone. She will die soon from starvation. As it stands I feed her bits of my Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the bowl in between bites. We are currently team eaters.
4. Invest in a few pairs of long socks. The winter months are soon to set in and without adequate warmth for my legs whilst wearing unseasonably short skirts, I will fall ill and die. Also, because of the set of angels I had slain previously, I will be sent directly to hell, where although it will be warm enough for my unseasonably short skirt, will be rather vexing as it is indeed hell.
5. Buy ham and cheese hot pockets and ham and cheese hot pockets only. The other types of hot pocket give me nothing but stomach pain. I have already acclimated my insides to the lava-like consistency of melted cheese and boiling ham and trying any new flavor such as Mexican Fiesta will do nothing but confuse my body and my brain and likely set off my hidden self destruct button.
2. Get a haircut. To say that my hair is merely 'uneven' would be a gross understatement resulting in an entire flock of angels falling down dead as a result of my untruths. I will never be accepted into heaven, as God shall never forgive me.
3. Buy some cat food, for underneath all of that fur lies a feline of pure skin and bone. She will die soon from starvation. As it stands I feed her bits of my Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the bowl in between bites. We are currently team eaters.
4. Invest in a few pairs of long socks. The winter months are soon to set in and without adequate warmth for my legs whilst wearing unseasonably short skirts, I will fall ill and die. Also, because of the set of angels I had slain previously, I will be sent directly to hell, where although it will be warm enough for my unseasonably short skirt, will be rather vexing as it is indeed hell.
5. Buy ham and cheese hot pockets and ham and cheese hot pockets only. The other types of hot pocket give me nothing but stomach pain. I have already acclimated my insides to the lava-like consistency of melted cheese and boiling ham and trying any new flavor such as Mexican Fiesta will do nothing but confuse my body and my brain and likely set off my hidden self destruct button.
Comments
Post a Comment