There is blood all over my exquisitely painted walls. And on the imported carpet from China. And soaked into the thousand thread-count sheets. This is going to take absolutely forever to clean up. I was never informed that death was so messy and if I had known I would have put down some plastic over the furniture or something. Now I have to pay someone to get all the stains out. Such a hassle.
I was just playing a bit of a game with my husband, you see. It seems that we got a bit too rough and he has hurt himself. Such a clumsy man I am married to. He has managed to make a mess of everything in the room, and now it's going to take me even longer to clean up before dinner can get made. We always play little games like this with each other though. The last time we played tag, he accidentally pushed me too hard and I hit my head on the kitchen table. I ended up with 4 stitches, but I know it was just a mistake. Another time while we were playing hide and seek at the mall, he accidentally drove away without me. But the bus ride home wasn't all that bad, and I know that was a mistake too. All mistakes are made to be forgiven.
Believe me when I say that my husband and I love each other very deeply. We dated very briefly and got married while backpacking through Europe. He proposed to me in Italy. We got married in Paris. I noticed before the marriage that he had a bit of a temper, but it has never been anything for me to worry about. He bought me the most beautiful engagement ring to make up for the argument we had in Milan. He apologized, got down on one knee, and opened up a velvet box. I wish I still had my ring to show off, but I accidentally dropped it into the garbage disposal right before I started making dinner. I was certain that he wouldn't be too upset with me because after nine beautiful years together, he shouldn't get so angry with me over little things like this.
Our daughter Zoe was born two years after our marriage. I love her more than almost anything in this world. My husband suspects that I may love her even more than I love him, but I'm sure he is joking. I love everyone in my family with equal intensity. A few weeks ago, Zoe came home from school with a black eye. She told me that my husband had hit her because she said something that he didn't like. Mistakes happen, I told her. He probably had just been swatting away a bee from her hair. You know how pesky those things can be at this time of year.
At the moment, Zoe is sitting at the bottom of the pool. I'm helping her practice her diving for the swim team at our Community Center. Over the summer I sent Zoe to summer camp and she came back with a new love for swimming. She wants to go to the Olympics for swimming when she grows up, she says. Wouldn't that be wonderful? In order to be of assistance to her, I held her head under the water for her to expand her lung capacity. I hear that is something needed to be a good swimmer. She moved around for the first few minutes, but I remember her saying something about not letting go no matter how much she squirmed and splashed around. I'm positive that is what she told me, and I'll do anything for my angel that she asks of me. It didn't take all that long for her to stop, and now I think she's gotten the hang of holding her breath. I left her in the pool to practice an hour ago to go get dinner ready. I must remember to call her back inside after I clean up this mess that my husband has made.
I told him that I was sorry about the ring but he lost his temper again and shook me until I became dizzy. The back of my head hurts from where it hit the floor and I'm sure that I am going to need a few more stitches, but first I had to make sure that dinner was ready. Now that I think about it, this was his fault anyway. Who sneaks up behind a woman while she's slicing a turkey with an automatic knife in her hand? I was so startled that I swung around and lost control of my hand. The fact that he then proceeded to run into the blade seven times, however, makes me question his sanity. That probably hurt. I don't remember how we made it from the kitchen all the way to the bedroom either. For some reason, I seem to have had a lapse in memory. One minute my husband was impaling himself with my kitchen tools, and the next we were in our room and I am pondering if club soda gets out red stains.
I don't have time at the moment to worry about such trite issues. Zoe was supposed to take the dog out back for him to get some exercise, but I haven't seen Skip all afternoon. He was a present for my daughter's sixth birthday. I've always wanted a Yorkie of my own, so it was like a present for the both of us when she recieved one. However, I don't think that my husband has ever liked dogs. He has never played with Skip, and one time I saw him accidentally throw Skip across the living room. My husband blamed it on Skips 'infernal barking,' and told me that he was going to boil him alive like a kettle on the stove if he didn't learn to be quiet. What a funny dog we have. I wonder where he is? I shall worry about that later as I have yet to finish dinner for when my husband comes home from work. I know how much he detests when dinner isn't ready on the table for him when he comes in.
What a surprise! I have found Skip in the kitchen. As I opened the oven to insert my turkey, there he was just sleeping peacefully inside. He must have gotten himself stuck inside when I had opened it earlier for preheating. He has always been such a playful dog. However, my oven is now completely unfit to bake my turkey. I have to clean up the fur and cranberry sauce before any type of food can be cooked inside. This is going to take even more time. My husband is going to be so upset. Silly dog. The spilled cranberry sauce looks like blood. What a sight.
Blood and fur everywhere.
Blood everywhere.
Why is there blood everywhere? I'll call in someone to clean it later.
As it seems, my husband is trying to play a trick on me. He and my daughter are sleeping silently in our bedroom. He must have left work early and picked up Zoe from school to surprise me. While waiting for me to notice, it seems they have both fallen asleep on the bed. Zoe must have had swim practice sometime today because she is soaked. That isn't as bad as my husband though. He must have tried to sneak into the kitchen to see what I was making for dinner and spilled some cranberry sauce on himself as well as all over the bedroom. I wonder what type of game they were trying to play? Even Skip was involved! I knew that at some point my husband would warm up to him, and look, there he is fast asleep with our dog curled up on his chest. They must have wiped themselves out playing around like this. I'll just leave them to nap for a little while longer while I clean up a bit more for dinner.
Oh, dear, the house is in complete disarray. There doesn't seem any way to be able to fix this all up before dinner is ready. I'll just have to start over from scratch, buying all new furniture. Hopefully, no one will take notice of my redecoration. It will be my surprise to my loving family for being so wonderful to me. As a matter of fact, how about I go and see if any furniture stores are still open. There is no time like the present to start on home improvement. Maybe I can get something to get rid of the smell coming from the bedroom. It smells like smoke, but there must just be something that needs cleaning from the air ducts.
I told the police that I had no idea who it was that burned down my house, but yet, I am being accused of having started it. There has even been talk of my husband and daughter being found inside, charred beyond recognition. I politely informed the police officer of how impossible that could have been as my family had left on vacation a few days prior without me. There is no way that they could have been home and I would never try to burn down my own house. I distinctly remember wanting to remodel and that is something that just can't be done with no home. The police as well as the judge disagree with me, but I know that this is all just a misunderstanding. A simple mistake. Once my family returns from vacation then they will be able to see that I am telling the truth.
Until that time comes, I will be patiently waiting in this room. It's a rather clean room, which is something I like very much. I can't stand things to be messy. I do wish they would hurry though. I still have to get dinner ready...
I was just playing a bit of a game with my husband, you see. It seems that we got a bit too rough and he has hurt himself. Such a clumsy man I am married to. He has managed to make a mess of everything in the room, and now it's going to take me even longer to clean up before dinner can get made. We always play little games like this with each other though. The last time we played tag, he accidentally pushed me too hard and I hit my head on the kitchen table. I ended up with 4 stitches, but I know it was just a mistake. Another time while we were playing hide and seek at the mall, he accidentally drove away without me. But the bus ride home wasn't all that bad, and I know that was a mistake too. All mistakes are made to be forgiven.
Believe me when I say that my husband and I love each other very deeply. We dated very briefly and got married while backpacking through Europe. He proposed to me in Italy. We got married in Paris. I noticed before the marriage that he had a bit of a temper, but it has never been anything for me to worry about. He bought me the most beautiful engagement ring to make up for the argument we had in Milan. He apologized, got down on one knee, and opened up a velvet box. I wish I still had my ring to show off, but I accidentally dropped it into the garbage disposal right before I started making dinner. I was certain that he wouldn't be too upset with me because after nine beautiful years together, he shouldn't get so angry with me over little things like this.
Our daughter Zoe was born two years after our marriage. I love her more than almost anything in this world. My husband suspects that I may love her even more than I love him, but I'm sure he is joking. I love everyone in my family with equal intensity. A few weeks ago, Zoe came home from school with a black eye. She told me that my husband had hit her because she said something that he didn't like. Mistakes happen, I told her. He probably had just been swatting away a bee from her hair. You know how pesky those things can be at this time of year.
At the moment, Zoe is sitting at the bottom of the pool. I'm helping her practice her diving for the swim team at our Community Center. Over the summer I sent Zoe to summer camp and she came back with a new love for swimming. She wants to go to the Olympics for swimming when she grows up, she says. Wouldn't that be wonderful? In order to be of assistance to her, I held her head under the water for her to expand her lung capacity. I hear that is something needed to be a good swimmer. She moved around for the first few minutes, but I remember her saying something about not letting go no matter how much she squirmed and splashed around. I'm positive that is what she told me, and I'll do anything for my angel that she asks of me. It didn't take all that long for her to stop, and now I think she's gotten the hang of holding her breath. I left her in the pool to practice an hour ago to go get dinner ready. I must remember to call her back inside after I clean up this mess that my husband has made.
-----------
I told him that I was sorry about the ring but he lost his temper again and shook me until I became dizzy. The back of my head hurts from where it hit the floor and I'm sure that I am going to need a few more stitches, but first I had to make sure that dinner was ready. Now that I think about it, this was his fault anyway. Who sneaks up behind a woman while she's slicing a turkey with an automatic knife in her hand? I was so startled that I swung around and lost control of my hand. The fact that he then proceeded to run into the blade seven times, however, makes me question his sanity. That probably hurt. I don't remember how we made it from the kitchen all the way to the bedroom either. For some reason, I seem to have had a lapse in memory. One minute my husband was impaling himself with my kitchen tools, and the next we were in our room and I am pondering if club soda gets out red stains.
I don't have time at the moment to worry about such trite issues. Zoe was supposed to take the dog out back for him to get some exercise, but I haven't seen Skip all afternoon. He was a present for my daughter's sixth birthday. I've always wanted a Yorkie of my own, so it was like a present for the both of us when she recieved one. However, I don't think that my husband has ever liked dogs. He has never played with Skip, and one time I saw him accidentally throw Skip across the living room. My husband blamed it on Skips 'infernal barking,' and told me that he was going to boil him alive like a kettle on the stove if he didn't learn to be quiet. What a funny dog we have. I wonder where he is? I shall worry about that later as I have yet to finish dinner for when my husband comes home from work. I know how much he detests when dinner isn't ready on the table for him when he comes in.
-----------
What a surprise! I have found Skip in the kitchen. As I opened the oven to insert my turkey, there he was just sleeping peacefully inside. He must have gotten himself stuck inside when I had opened it earlier for preheating. He has always been such a playful dog. However, my oven is now completely unfit to bake my turkey. I have to clean up the fur and cranberry sauce before any type of food can be cooked inside. This is going to take even more time. My husband is going to be so upset. Silly dog. The spilled cranberry sauce looks like blood. What a sight.
Blood and fur everywhere.
Blood everywhere.
Why is there blood everywhere? I'll call in someone to clean it later.
-----------
As it seems, my husband is trying to play a trick on me. He and my daughter are sleeping silently in our bedroom. He must have left work early and picked up Zoe from school to surprise me. While waiting for me to notice, it seems they have both fallen asleep on the bed. Zoe must have had swim practice sometime today because she is soaked. That isn't as bad as my husband though. He must have tried to sneak into the kitchen to see what I was making for dinner and spilled some cranberry sauce on himself as well as all over the bedroom. I wonder what type of game they were trying to play? Even Skip was involved! I knew that at some point my husband would warm up to him, and look, there he is fast asleep with our dog curled up on his chest. They must have wiped themselves out playing around like this. I'll just leave them to nap for a little while longer while I clean up a bit more for dinner.
-----------
Oh, dear, the house is in complete disarray. There doesn't seem any way to be able to fix this all up before dinner is ready. I'll just have to start over from scratch, buying all new furniture. Hopefully, no one will take notice of my redecoration. It will be my surprise to my loving family for being so wonderful to me. As a matter of fact, how about I go and see if any furniture stores are still open. There is no time like the present to start on home improvement. Maybe I can get something to get rid of the smell coming from the bedroom. It smells like smoke, but there must just be something that needs cleaning from the air ducts.
-----------
I told the police that I had no idea who it was that burned down my house, but yet, I am being accused of having started it. There has even been talk of my husband and daughter being found inside, charred beyond recognition. I politely informed the police officer of how impossible that could have been as my family had left on vacation a few days prior without me. There is no way that they could have been home and I would never try to burn down my own house. I distinctly remember wanting to remodel and that is something that just can't be done with no home. The police as well as the judge disagree with me, but I know that this is all just a misunderstanding. A simple mistake. Once my family returns from vacation then they will be able to see that I am telling the truth.
Until that time comes, I will be patiently waiting in this room. It's a rather clean room, which is something I like very much. I can't stand things to be messy. I do wish they would hurry though. I still have to get dinner ready...
What the fuck? That was amazing. You should write a book about this lady. And make millions of dollars.
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