I like to think of it less as a kidnapping and more as a rescue. He saved my life before I even knew that I needed saving. He led me away from my boring mundane life with promises of candy and chocolates, and He followed through with just that. At first, I was a bit scared of this strange older man. You see, at the time I was young – only 9 – and I knew nothing about life or adventure or love. All I needed was a push in the right direction, and the back of His windowless Ford Econoline was just the direction I needed to go.
At first I missed my parents something fierce. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to see them anymore. But He explained to me very early on that they didn’t want me anymore. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Mom had grounded me a few weeks prior for no good reason. So what if I don’t finish my peas. And Dad agreed with her! Plus, that one time when I told them that Billy Christopher was picking on me, they only told me that he had a crush on me. They didn’t know anything! They were always against me. They didn’t really love me. But that’s okay because I don’t need them anymore.
I started feeling even worse after my school picture starting showing up on television. People kept asking where I was and if anyone had seen me. I asked Him over and over again if we should call someone to let them know that I was okay, but He told me that I was being “insolent” and that I should stop crying or there would be consequences. I realize now that he was only trying to teach me structure. As I said before, I was young and didn’t know better.
A little while after I was on television, we left His apartment, got back in the van and drove for a long time. He told me that we were taking a road trip. I asked if we were allowed to go to Disney Land, because I had always wanted to go there, but for some reason that made Him real mad.
“You’re making too much noise,” He said.
“You must want me to take you back to your parents that never loved you,” He said.
“Just be a good girl and get back to the back of the van,” He said.
I did as I was told and a bunch of hours, the van stopped. I don’t think we were anywhere near Disney Land and I was disappointed, but He told me we would have just as much fun here. And he was right! Because we had moved to a farm! I got to play with pigs and chickens and cows every day! At first I was lonely, but then I realized that all I needed was my Him and my animal friends.
When I turned 13 He even taught me about what grown-ups did in their bedrooms. That was the scariest of all! When I told Him how scared I was, He told me that I was a big girl and I should learn what being a big girl was all about. He was never wrong about anything! I cried after the first few times, but He would rub my back and tell me everything was okay because he loved me.
Oh. My. God. He loved me! He took me away from That Place and gave me this wonderful life and He loved me! I told him that I loved Him too. I asked him if that meant we were going to get married and live together forever.
“Forever and always,” He told me.
But then the police came. I don’t understand why they took Him away from me! It was a few days after I turned 15 and He let me go to the store all by myself to buy my birthday cake. I remember there was a woman in the store that kept looking at me strangely, but I was too excited about it being my birthday for it to matter too much. But she must have called my parents! I don’t even know how she knew their number! Then all these men with flashing lights, and sirens, and guns were in our front yard yelling at Him.
They took me away and told me that my parents had been looking for me. That they had been worried. That I had been kidnapped.
“You’re lying!” I said.
“Let me go!” I said.
“I want to go back to Him!” I said.
But they did nothing but take me to the hospital. They kept asking me all these questions about how long He had been “raping” me, but He would never do such a thing. They didn’t understand that He loves me, and they wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to tell them. And then my Mom and Dad showed up and they were crying. Why were they crying? I’m crying! No one will let me go! No one will let me see Him! I’ll die without Him!
For days, I cried and screamed and pleaded until I lost my voice. People around me kept whispering things like, “lost cause,” and “syndrome,” and after they gave me all of this medication and sent me back to That Place with my Mom and Dad I cried some more.
Why would this be happening to me? Why would they take Him away?
It wasn’t until a few days later that I saw Him again. I was taken to a large white building and forced to sit in a room with a bunch of other people. He came into the room wearing an orange suit and some chains around His hands and feet. I started screaming to tell Him that I loved Him, but He wouldn’t even look at me. And then all these people started talking, and asked me to talk about my time with Him. I told everyone how wonderful He was to me and that He saved me but everyone looked so angry and asked me to sit down. And a lady in a black robe hit her table with a hammer. “Guilty,” she said.
They took Him out of the room and I never saw Him again.
I am just writing this to let everyone know how big of a mistake they made. I was happy with Him. We were happy together. I will never love again and I want you all to feel sorry for what you’ve done.
I hate you.
I want to die.
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